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4.3 ★★★★★
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★★★★★ 4
Loaded with Information
Format: Paperback
Roberta Gilbert's overview of Murray Bowen's Family Systems Theory is a thorough introduction on how we build individuality through constant interaction. Although it takes a few chapters to understand the terminology ("anxiety", "differentiation", etc.), Gilbert pieces together the general concepts of Bowen's theory through analytical study and real world interpretation. The idea of triangulating and the importance of original family relationships stand out to me as the overwhelmingly important activities which many people don't think twice about. This isn't to discount other aspects of relationships- such as Overfunctioning/underfunctioning, conflict, distance, and cutoff- but these certainly stand out due to the attention Gilbert gives to them.
The one point that I disagree with (although Bowen would say I am in denial) is the urge to put yourself on a different emotional in any and all connections. I understand the benefits to this, but the idea that I would detach and remain coolly above all interactions between those closest to me strikes me as depressing. I feel differentiation and togetherness (which he calls "fusion") do not have to be mutually exclusive. This critique is grounded in pure opinion. My critique from an analytical perspective centers on her ignorance, which could even be called contempt, of love in a relationship. Her rudimentary overview of love in relationships places it neatly in a box next to cutoff, triangulating, and other day-to-day activities. I don't see myself as a hopeless romantic, but the unique attributes of love is noted near unanimously. Viktor Frankl, a noted psychologist himself, wrote about it in his excellent book "Man's Search for Meaning".
Nevertheless, I recommend Extraordinary Relationships for those who really want to dig into ways of improving themselves and the relationships around them. Although the concepts might be a little narrow, the general Bowen Family Theory idea should not be ignored.
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Reviewed in the United States on October 1, 2012
★★★★★ 5
It was easy to read
Format: Paperback
This book is written so I can refer back to it from time to time. It was easy to read, not a lot of jargon. I am really enjoying reading this book, Extraordinary Relationships: A New Way of Thinking About Human Interactions by Roberta M. Gilbert, M.D. It kept my interest. It is only 168 pages, plus a few more pages that has reading notes, epilogue, a glossary, and of course the index. The book about developing yourself so that you can further develop your relationships. kudo to the author and her mentor.
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Reviewed in the United States on August 12, 2014
★★★★★ 5
Gilbert conveys the principles of BFST in easily understood and engaging ways
Format: Paperback
Roberta Gilbert ' s book is simply transformative. Be forewarned, if you seriously apply Gilbert's principles from Bowen family systems theory your life will never be the same. Gilbert conveys the principles of BFST in easily understood and engaging ways. Your life and your relationships with others will become extraordinary as you become more emotional mature in your interactions with others. In short, an extraordinary book!
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Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2015
★★★★★ 3
A bit repetitive
Format: Paperback
The Family Systems approach makes a great deal of sense and is very helpful. But this book seems to be somewhat formulaic - every case looks the same.
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Reviewed in the United States on September 13, 2013
★★★★★ 5
Extremely enlightening!
Format: Paperback
A psychologist recommended I read this book as my daughter and I were having issues. Wow! What you'll find in this book will change your whole thinking about relationships with family members. Very enlightening as to why we all behave as we do and what affect our behavior has on the development of our children. A MUST read for every parent. I bought a copy for each of our children and grandchildren to read.
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Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2010